Wednesday, September 22, 2010


This is my brother Brian. He's trying to look cool and debonair for my blog post about him. I'm actually about 3 months late doing this post. Better late than never, right?

Brian is significantly younger than me. Please don't think "obviously."

Brian is the product of a second marriage for my mother. We were raised together, so we usually don't refer to each other as half-siblings. Brian's father, at the time of Brian's birth, was a non-practicing Jew. My mother was an Episcopalian and thought it was rather cool that she had married a Jewish man and had a child who was 1/4 Jewish genetically.

With my mother thinking it so cool that Brian was 1/4 Jewish, Brian naturally thought it was pretty cool that he was Jewish. Once he reached age 4 or 5, he started asking what it meant that he was part Jewish. His father was not practicing on his most generous days and agnostic or an atheist on the rest of his days, so he refused to tell Brian anything about his Jewish heritage. So Brian only had our mother to tell him what is meant to be Jewish. What did she tell him? That Jewish people were really good with money. So what did Brian do? He decided that he would hoard any money he earned until absolutely necessary to spend said money.

Then South Park came along. South Park is great viewing material for 5 year olds. Until you've had an episode of South Park repeated to you, verbatim, and at least 4 times a week by a 5 year old, you haven't lived. Brian, at the tender, young age of 5, then saw Jewish satirical humor weekly. Being 5, he didn't understand that the show was making fun of the stereotypes of Jewish people.

Then, satirical cartoon humor progressed and we were given Family Guy. I don't remember exactly when Family Guy first aired, but we quickly found Brian's double on Family Guy. Brian had become Mort the Jew. He can imitate the whiny, nasal voice of Mort. Brian would love nothing more that to be able to grow a "Jewfro" similar to Mort's. Obviously, he can't! And for some strange reason, Brian is as injury prone as Mort the Jew.

On our family trip to Williamsburg this year, Brian sustained multiple injuries just by being himself. I can't remember what he did to his hand, but he had stitches in his hand before the plane ever left the ground. I got to cut them out with sewing scissors!!

Brian also went on the trip to the beach with J where they both got miserably sunburned. Brian, aka Mort, got tossed around by the waves of the ocean and thrown down by the water which bruised his foot. He thought it was broken. Mom wanted him to get an x-ray. Mom got overruled.

He really, really loves me for posting this picture of him topless and sunburned!

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